Had an interesting messenger conversation the other day with a sub trying to understand the slave that he thinks may be inside himself. I thought it would be worth sharing....hope it is also enlightening to others....pjax38: Hello Sir, how are you doing?
MASTER Z: warm here...its 90 out....you mentioned in your email you had questions, what questions did you have for Me?
pjax38: well, i have been experiencing a lot here and i wanted to get your take on the difference between being a sub and a slave, i think i am realizing more and more that i may fall more into the submissive end of things rather than the full fledged slave thing. Does that make sense to you?
pjax38: i think that i may be a little old to be a slave
MASTER Z: well I think it depends on what your goal is....if its just the fetish play, then the top/bottom/sub dynamic...with no strings and no real attachment may be enough for you....if you need something deeper....a real basis behind the submission, then you wont be satisfied with a "put on the hat in the dungeon...and leave it behind otherwise" situation. It depends what is inside you and how you connect...as far as 'too old'....I personally dont think anyone can really become a slave on a deeper level till they have enough life experience and have enough of a baseline to know what is really important to them, and what they crave, vs what they just see as fun or a 'cool idea'
pjax38: yes, that is really wise, i think i need more time to digest these experiences
MASTER Z: yeah, if it is just about the moment to moment dungeon play...you will be fully satisfied as a bottom sub...without needing the deeper connection....if it is more about the mental connection, and where you can really go within yourself when there are deep mental processes going along with the physical sensations, that would put you more in a slave category.
MASTER Z: it comes down to whether it is just about the fetish aspect?....is there satisfaction out of a couple hours in the dungeon and walk away from it?....or does it take something more profound to provide you with real satisfaction?
pjax38: i think that does put me more into the slave category. the experiences i have been having seem to much like play to me...i don't know if i can say that right...not deep enough
MASTER Z: Most fetish connection between Tops and bottoms is really elaborate role play --and that is just fine for the vast majority of kinky tops and subs...they want the physical play, the gear, the rope....and shoot their load from the fetish itself, not from any deeper connection -- and there is nothing wrong with that if someone is fulfilled through the temporary role play.
pjax38: it is so interesting- your thoughts and understanding of this. i guess that i just need to keep experiencing things, but i do feel that i need a "Master" or guide to help me traverse and understand this
MASTER Z: well, I think the simplest way to define it is -- Between kinky Tops and subs, it is about the fetish, the gear, and the surface. For a Master and slave, it is about the basis, depth, and connection behind the fetish and the gear.
pjax38: yes, i really do think that i desire something much deeper than the gear, for me it is about the connection, the psychological and physical connection between the two involved, i am not sure if i can articulate it, but i know on some deep level what you are saying and that part of it i have not been able to really experience yet
MASTER Z: yeah, if you have had good experiences in your exploration so far, but something has still felt lacking...that should tell you a lot right there.
pjax38: yes Sir, the guys that i have been "playing" with are good people and i trust them, but there is something missing, a profundity and intensity, they are not able to go where i want to go. They have this amazing dungeon and all this gear, but something is lacking
pjax38: i know that this is a very deep part of me, rather, it is me...and i have waited a long time to have the maturity to begin to explore it.
MASTER Z: thus My previous comment about someone not being able to really understand if a slave is inside them, till they have enough life experience and maturity behind them to know what they truly need, and that something is missing....a 19 year old is not likely to be a real slave (with some exceptions)....they can be submissive, and subjugated for a few years, but dont know enough about life or themselves to really go onto the path with full knowledge for a lifetime.
pjax38: i understand that, i cannot imagine being able to hold these kinds of "realities" at that age, there is just no way. I feel my life has been a process leading to this, many experiences of having to surrender and dismantle ego, now i feel this is the next phase for me and it really is like a epiphany...i just feel very alone with it, like there is no one here that really understands or that i can talk about it with on this level.
pjax38: and just another thing, that it is like my sexuality is merging with my spirituality and the rest of myself through this experience, becoming whole in a way i have not been before
MASTER Z: well there are not many who are capable of grasping or embracing the deeper and spiritual aspects...most are just about the surface, and having the most toys, and preening in their gear....and then doing this sort of kabuki theater in the dungeon that portrays something deeper, but really has no structure or basis -- if you scratch down a bit past the surface
pjax38: that is what i am experiencing now and it feel like a dress rehearsal or something, i know you understand what i am saying
MASTER Z: yeah, like I say....more power to them, if thats all they need and they get it....but to Me, its a bit like watching a movie with the sound off....you get part of it, but in the end it is largely unsatisfying
pjax38: yes, exactly Sir, that is how i feel. thank you so much for taking time to talk with me about this, it feels so good to just know that you are out there and understand what i am feeling/thinking, whatever
MASTER Z: yeah, when someone sort of goes past their self imposed denial, and starts to play and explore the kink within...it feels a bit like suddenly soaring in a plane -- not really sure how you got up there but it feels good....but then you have to think....wow, how do I land this thing?
pjax38: yes, that is a great metaphor
pjax38: i know that i need to go much deeper eventually, if i really want to evolve
MASTER Z: yeah, I get the sense that the 'put on the costume and follow a script' version of things is not going to satisfy you in the long run
pjax38: no way, it never has in any other aspect of my life, and it won't here either.
pjax38: i want something much deeper and more profound
pjax38: i should say need something
pjax38: this dress up stuff, even though i like all the gear, is not the part that makes me hard either
pjax38: it is the idea of the experiences, i don't know how to express it...
MASTER Z: well, dont get Me wrong...there is nothing wrong with gear, or good equipment, or behaving in an extremely kinky way....BUT for Me, there is just SO MUCH more to that when there is a deeper basis behind it than 'hooking up' for a couple hours....or a partner relationship that just 'role plays' once in a while for thrills, like a light switch you turn on and off.
pjax38: yes, i understand, i appreciate you sharing all of this with me. It seems very "big" -- all of this, like i am standing at the base of a mountain and trying to see if i can figure out a way up.
pjax38: but i also know that i will be guided, i always have been
pjax38: and i appreciate your guidance
MASTER Z: not a problem boy, glad I could share some ideas and help your perspective a bit.
pjax38: it helps ALOT, thank you Sir, i am very grateful. i look forward to a time when i can express that gratitude to you in person
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